Sneak Pique
by Fido
Summary: Reactions to the new series during a 'typical?' evening in the lives of the Knight Sabers.(parody)


Sneak Pique 

by David (fido) LIndquist. 

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DISCLAIMER:All the Bubblegum Crisis TV series references in this fic are the property of ADvision(KAMI HELP US!) :). All BGC references are owned by Animeigo. All other anime references are owned by others. Bubblegum Zone is the work of Bert Van Vliet and is used with his permission. 

********************************************* FOREWORD: C&C and MST's are always welcome, Flames are not! I would like to thank JD Farber, Scott 'Zoogz' Jameson(No relation to the other Scott Jameson), Sean Gaffney, Gary Kleppe and Bert Van Vliet and anyone else I might have forgotten for their permission to use their names and/or their help in getting this written. Thank you. 

BTW: ''=quotes " "=talk * *=thoughts (just in case anyone gets confused) 

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Most people in MegaTokyo would have considered this day as one of the happier times of their lives. Even in the more dubious parts of the city, the general feeling was upbeat. The streets were clean and relatively uncongested due to the lack of people. Most of them had already moved to their new homes in preparation for the T.V series. For them, the day meant working regularly again instead of doing the rare generic crowd scene in a fanfiction or drawing. 

The AD police were happy. Rumor had it that they would play a far more important role in the new series and most of them thought it couldn't be worse than the 'stand there and get blown to pieces' routine they did in the old one. 

The boomers were happy. No one knew exactly WHY they were happy, but as any citizen of MegaTokyo would tell you, questioning the motivation of a boomer fell under the category of ' things you do when you have a deathwish'. 

Genom was...well .... content. It was said that when Quincy, Genom's CEO, saw the T.V designs, he laughed. Nobody had ever heard him do that before. He continued to laugh until he was shown the designs for himself. Fortunately, the EMTs were able to restart his heart before it suffered any permanent damage. 

For the most part, the people of MegaTokyo would say they were happy. The woman walking up the stairs of Ladys 633 building however would not have fallen into that category. 

Priss Asagiri wearily trudged up the steps to Sylia's apartment. Her body ached all over and the palm of her left hand was wrapped with a pressure bandage. The clothes she wore looked like they could stand on their own. Her whole appearance would have redefined the word ' disheveled '. * I must be getting old, * Priss thought as she reached the top of the stairs. *Ten years ago, doing the scenes for those fics wouldn't have hurt half as bad as it does now.* A few seconds later, the woman who wore the blue hardsuit walked out of the stairwell, casting a irritated glance at the 'out of order' sign that hung on the main elevator. 

" They'd better get that fixed soon," she muttered, "or I'm going to have a little 'chat' with them." 

An evil grin spread across Priss's face as visions of her beating, stomping, smashing and pummeling various elevator repair men danced in her head. She instinctively made a fist with her right hand and slammed it ........ 

.......right into the open palm of her other hand. 

After a fairly long and quite colorful stream of obscenities, she slowly began walking towards her immediate goal, an apartment door near the end of the hallway. A few agonizing minutes later, Priss reached her destination and knocked. 

* If I dragged myself all the way up those damn stairs for nothing, * she thought, * somebody's gonna die! * 

" Who is it?" A familiar but unexpected voice called out from inside. 

" It's me, Nene," Priss yelled back. "Open up!" 

" The door's unlocked," she replied. 

Opening the door, Priss walked into the Knight Sabers leader's apartment. She saw Nene sitting and typing away at Sylia's living room computer terminal. Priss ignored her and headed straight towards one of the plush chairs, plopping down in it. 

" Hi Priss, " Nene said absently, her attention focussed on the screen before her. 

" Yo," she replied, enjoying the comfort of the chair. 

Nene typed in the final number sequence on the keyboard and pressed enter. She then turned to look at Priss. 

" You look like crap," she blurted out. " Trust me, I feel much worse," Priss replied. "Damn, It's Wednesday, I feel like roadkill, and we still have 12 other fics to do by the end of this week!" " Oh quit complaining, " Nene said. "You'll be as good as new in the morning. " " Yeah, I know," Priss responded with a slight hint of irritation in her voice. She was definitely the very last person that needed to be reminded that an anime character can heal from almost any damage with a night's sleep. " But what do I do until then?" " Suffer in silence?" her friend remarked as she gave Priss a slightly sarcastic look. 

The blue Knight Saber glared at Nene. She then made two attempts to stand up, both of which failed miserably. Priss resettled into the chair and stared at the her now smirking friend. 

" Nene, " she said with the angry glint still in her eyes. "Exactly when did you develop a deathwish?" Nene's smirk vanished and was replaced with a combination of concern and fear. " This is a bad time to be giving you grief, isn't it?" Nene asked. 

" Got it right in one try, Nene-chan," Priss answered flatly, still glaring at Nene. 

" Umm......I'll go get you some aspirin," the now nervous redhead said, then mentally finished the sentence, *and some of your 'special' medication too.* 

Nene was about to get up when a little evil thought crept into her mind. She weighed the idea's tiny merit; the discomfort it would cause Priss, with its EXTREMELY large fault: her friend pounding on her until she was a grease stain on the floor... 

Nene decided to do it anyway. 

The pink Knight Saber tapped a few keys on the computer. Afterwards, barely hiding a smile, she stood up and walked towards the kitchen door, all the time practically feeling the angry glare still trained on her. 

The blue Knight Saber continued to watch Nene as she left the room. After her friend was out of sight, Priss relaxed into the chair. 

*Well, * she thought, *that was fun.* 

Suddenly the unmanned computer terminal audio system came on, blasting music throughout the living room. At first Priss was surprised at the unexpected sound, then she recognized the song. 

Priss instantly clamped her hands over her ears, trying desperately not to hear that song again. " Please..." she whispered, "anything but that..." 

Her pleas went unheeded by the computer as the music's main lyrics began to play.. 

The song lyrics that, for the past few months, she would hear constantly in her dreams and nightmares. 

" I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL! SO PUT ANOTHER DIME IN THE JUKEBOX BABY! I LOVE ROCK AND..." 

" AAAARRRGHH!!!" Priss screamed as she bolted up out of her chair. Turning around, she quickly gripped the arm rests of her chair. With a heave, she lifted the whole chair above her head. Still grimacing in pain, Priss started to slowly march towards the source of her troubles. 

Halfway there, she barely noticed the sound of the kitchen door opening. 

" PRISS!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? " Nene shouted. 

" I'M GONNA SMASH THAT @$#%! COMPUTER, THAT'S WHAT!!!" she screamed. 

" Remember rule 5?!" Nene said, a part of her mind wondering what '@$#%!' actually meant. She then said; " If you smash that computer, you'll have to pay for it!" 

" It will be worth it," Priss responded as she got closer to her target. Nene was starting to panic now. Sylia would not be happy with her if she let Priss destroy the computer. Especially since it would be her fault for provoking Priss in the first place! Then she remembered a conversation she eavesdr...ah, overheard between Priss and Sylia. 

*I don't have anything to lose.* she thought. 

" If you destroy that computer, " Nene quickly blurted out. " Sylia won't let you participate in any more of those private training sessions with her!" 

Priss froze at the mention of being barred from Sylia's private training sessions. Her toughts were suddenly filled with the image of Sylia working out, wearing a skin-tight leotard that left extremely little to the imagination. Of course the image instantly progressed to the part where Sylia would seductively purr that she 'got a cramp' and ask Priss to 'rub it out'. That was usually the point where the REAL workout began. 

Her thoughts then drifted to the last time they 'worked out' together. She still couldn't believe how much enjoyment they got out of a pair of handcuffs, two quarts of watergate salad and 4 gerbils... 

Nene watched Priss as her eyes glazed over and a large grin spread across her face. Seizing her chance, Nene dashed over to the computer and shut off the audio output. The pink Knight Saber then turned back to Priss. 

The grin was gone and replaced with a look of confusion. With the object of her rage removed, Priss recovered some of her composure. She slowly put the chair back in its original spot then sat down. 

The Pink knight Saber slowly crept towards her friend. 

" P-Priss?" she stammered. "A-Are you okay?" 

Priss didn't respond at all to her questions. She just lounged in the chair, motionless. Nene moved closer to her. Her young face creased with worry. 

" Priss? Please talk to me! " she said, a note of panic in her voice. She was about to shake her friend when Priss barked out; 

" ASPIRIN! NOW! " she growled. 

" EEK!" Nene shouted as she stumbled back in surprise. She then recovered and scrambled towards the medication. 

Priss remained motionless until Nene came back with the medicine and a glass of water. The blue Knight Saber quickly took the pills, swallowed them, then washed it down with the water. While she was doing this, Nene returned to her computer, as a slightly guilty lookflashed across her face. After setting the empty glass on the table next to her, Priss turned her attention back to her friend. 

" When is Sylia due back?" she asked. " I really don't know, " Nene said. "The meeting should've ended over a half hour ago but she hasn't even called." " I wonder if that's a good or bad sign," Priss pondered out loud. 

" Beats me," her friend responded then she asked. " How did you get hurt anyway? " 

The blue Knight Saber looked at Nene , trying to see if she was setting her up for a joke. Only concern showed in her friend's face. " I was doing the last stunt for the day and it got screwed up," Priss said as the medication (and the anti-psychotic drugs) started to take effect. 

" Which fic?" Nene asked. " Farber's new one," Priss replied, some of the pain and tension in her body finally going dormant. " Man, he put me through the wringer." Nene thought for a few seconds then said: 

" Well it could be worse." 

" Really?" Priss said sarcastically. " How?" 

" He could've put you through the shredder," she replied. 

The retrotrash singer glared at her for a moment then sighed. " I should of seen that coming." 

" Hmm...," Nene absently said, ignoring Priss's remark, " I'll have to call him tonight before I get prepared for tomorrow's fic shoot." Priss rolled her eyes at last part of Nene's remark. They all were going to work on Bubblegum Zone 10 tomorrow but Nene's part in the shoot was the least demanding. " Nene, you're tied up and unconscious for all the scenes we're going to do," she said. " It's not like you need to be an acadamy award-winning actress to pull it off!" 

" Oh really?" the red headed Knight Saber replied, her voice practically dripping with sarcasm. " Then why did you tell us you were preparing for a role when we caught you playing with those......" 

" Where's Mackie?" Priss interrupted. A large sweatdrop had formed on her forehead as she desperately tried to change the subject. " I thought he'd be hanging around here." Nene smirked and savored her verbal victory before she answered. 

" He's at his P.A. meeting," she said. 

" P.A?" 

" Perverts Anonymous," Nene stated. 

Priss's eyes bulged. 

" How in the hell did you get him to go there?" she asked, the shock wearing off. 

" Sylia and I told him that if he didn't," Nene said, an evil grin spreading across her face. " we would inform the Project A-KO crew just who was the last member involved in that panty raid a few weeks back." 

Priss remembered some of the events of that day. The old hentai known as Happosai, another hentai called Ataru, and an unknown third member had crashed a shoot for that series. Unfortunately for them, they weren't quite fast enough in their getaway. The unknown member had escaped but the other two were not so lucky. The last she heard, Happosai was still in traction and Ataru had been placed in the custody of his fiancee, Lum. She didn't know who had gotten off with the easier punishment..She really didn't care either... 

They sat quietly for a few moments before the silence was broken. 

" So, how are you going to get home?" Priss asked. 

" Linna's giving me a ride," Nene replied. 

Almost as if on cue, the Knight Saber in question walked into the room. 

" Hey Priss," Linna cheerfully said, getting only a grumble for a reply. She then turned to Nene. 

" You ready to go?" she asked. 

" In a minute," Nene replied. " I want to finish reading this article on the new series." 

" So you've pretty much given up hope on them changing their minds too, huh?" Linna sighed. 

" I have not!" Nene said with a slight bit of desperation in her voice. " I'm sure that Sylia's presentation will influence them to making some revisions." 

" It has to work!..." she added, as tears formed in her eyes. " I can't be made a blonde! I CAN'T!...." then she broke down and cried. " WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" Both Priss and Linna covered their ears at Nene's wailing. 

" Oh..good going Linna," Priss shouted. " Now you got her crying!" 

" That girl has been hanging around Sailor Moon WAY too much!" Linna replied. 

Nene finally calmed down after Linna promised to get her ten ice cream sundaes, three whole carrot cakes, a couple of Cd-Roms and five stuffed Ryo-Oh-Ki dolls (with CABBIT ACTION!tm). " Well," Linna sighed, mentally figuring up just how far in debt she would be after getting the items to placate her friend. " At least she hasn't lost all hope." 

" You know little miss cyber-punk," Priss said with a slight smirk on her face. " She never gives up." 

Nene ignored the barb as she became engrossed in her reading. Then she saw a line about Linna and Priss. As she read it, Nene couldn't believe they would do it. At least she hoped they wouldn't do it. 

" Oh my....." A wide-eyed Nene gasped. 

" What is it, Nene?" Linna asked as she walked over to where the red-haired Knight Saber was sitting. 

" Ah....nothing. Nothing at all.." she squeaked out. 

" Nene.." Linna replied in her best command voice. " Let me see." 

With a great reluctance, Nene moved aside to let Linna get a better view of the screen. By then Priss, her curiosity overcoming her remaining pain, had also come over to see what was going on. Both of them began reading the text just as Nene pointed the line out. The line read; ' The producers of the series are quoted as saying 

.....upon meeting Linna for the first time, Priss says that she found her.... " interesting." ' 

" Interesting?" Priss mumbled. " That sounds like.." 

" I AM NOT A LESBIAN!!!" Linna screamed, causing both Nene and Priss to wince. She had already figured out exactly what it implied. There was only one thing that truly angered Linna; questioning her sexuality. The other Knight Sabers had learned that lesson the hard way. " How many guys do I have to go out with to prove that!!" 

Nene had to hold back from making a remark. She knew all Linna would have to do to prove her claim was show them her 'little black book'. Though how a book the size of the New York telephone directory could possibly be called little was beyond her. The pink Knight Saber still remembered when she had found it. Out of curiousity, she decided to take a quick look inside. She had a hard time believing how many names were written in there. It was made worse when she saw the performance evaluations written down beside them. Stuff like 'slow starter' and 'Sweeto!' didn't surprise her but when she read the entry under 'Tarou Pantyhose' about how he definitely knew how to use his tentacles... 

Nene decided that she really didn't want to know about Linna's love life after all.. " Now I'm sure it's just a rumor," Nene quickly told Linna, desperately hoping to stave off the tirade that she knew was coming. 

" I can't believe this!" Linna exclaimed, ignoring the red haired Knight Saber. " You agree to act in a few lesbian lemons, make it crystal clear that they use boomer doubles for the sex scenes, and they still brand you for life!" 

She then turned to Priss. " Can you believe this crap!" she said. 

Priss gave Linna a thoughtful expression, then said, " Well, you do look good in those leotards..." 

Almost as fast as lightning, Linna reached behind her back and produced a large mallet. 

" PRISS NO HENTAI!!!" she shouted and swung the weapon, hitting Priss right on top of her head. 

Nene turned and stared at the now unconscious Priss. She then looked at Linna. 

" That's a neat trick," she said. 

" Ranma taught it to me while we were dating," Linna replied as she put the mallet back into hammerspace. " For some strange reason, he liked me to use it on him... a lot." 

" What happened between you two, anyway? Nene asked. 

" He went back to his fiancees," Linna stated plainly. 

" Oh... okay," Nene replied as she shut down the computer terminal. She had just grabbed her purse when the last word of the sentence registered. 

" Fiancees?!" she yelped. " Y-you mean they're all really..?" 

" Yeah," Linna said. " How do you think he got all that stamina?" 

Linna didn't notice the severe case of blushing Nene had just developed. 

" But that's okay," she continued. " I was about to dump him anyway." 

" Umm...shouldn't we check on Priss?" Nene asked, her face returning to normal and now casting a glance at the unconscious Knight Saber. 

" With her thick skull, she'll be fine," Linna replied, also looking at the still unconscious Knight Saber. " As I was saying, I'd found a new guy by then." 

" Who was he?" Nene asked as they both walked towards the door. 

" He called himself Jadeite," Linna responded as she opened the door and both of them left the room, closing the door behind them. " Now, he liked me to dress up in a Sailor Senshi suit and..." 

A few moments later a dazed Priss slowly stood up. Swaying slightly, she steadied herself but felt the blackness of unconsciousness returning. Just before finally passing out, Priss mumbled; 

" Please Mistress Sylia.......... may I have some more?" 

A few hours later..... 

Priss shifted slightly as she rested on the couch. Mackie had come in just as she was waking up. He helped her to the couch, got her some aspirin, a drink, and an icepack. What surprised Priss the most was that all during that time, he didn't leer at her or make the slightest hentai comment. 

*Maybe he is changing,* she thought then Priss let her mind drift to the incident that put her in this situation. 

" Why do these things always happen to me?" Priss muttered as she adjusted the icepack resting on the top of her head. 

" I was just making an observation," she murmured. " It wasn't like I was going to go down on her in front of Nene ......" 

Her complaining was interrupted by the unlocking of the apartment door. Priss was surprised to see the woman that entered the room. The woman was quite attractive by most standards. She wore a gray business suit that seemed to fit her perfectly. There were two things that stood out the most about her. One was her long and beautiful silver hair. The other was the scowl on her face. 

It took Priss a few seconds to recognize her. 

" So," she said after propping herself up. " I take it they said no?" 

Sylia Stingray practically tore the silver wig off her head and threw it into a chair. 

" I....don't......want....to....talk... about...it," she snapped through clenched teeth. 

Priss started to come up with a 'I told you so' type of line then she looked at the Knight Saber's leader....... She decided that it might be healthier for her to drop the subject entirely. " Mind if I crash here tonight? she asked. " I don't think I can make it home." 

" Sure, but I will wait until morning for you to tell me what happened," she said. " Right now all I want to do is take a bath, go to bed, and forget this day ever happened." 

" Goodnight Sylia," Priss said as she got comfortable. " Goodnight," Sylia replied, walking towards the hallway. Priss let herself relax as she started to drift off to sleep. She heard the water run in Sylia's bathroom. Priss was almost asleep when she was jarred awake by something the blue Knight Saber thought she would never hear in her lifetime. 

Sylia completely losing her temper. " MACKIE?!? WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HIDING IN MY BATHROOM CLOSET!!!" Priss strained to hear his response but could only make out mumbling then she heard Sylia scream: 

" PART OF YOUR PERVERT ANONYMOUS CLASS?!?" 

* Yea right..* Priss sarcastically thought.* Even Nene wouldn't believe that one! * 

" BULL!!! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR HENTAI CRAP!!" Priss heard a loud crash followed by another voice. 

" YEOUCH!!!!!" Mackie yelled." I'M SORRY!!!" 

" YOU'RE GONNA BE WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU, YOU LECHER!" she responded. 

WHAM! " NOT THE FACE! NOT THE... OOOF!!!" Mackie screamed. 

Sylia raving and sounds of devastation continued for a few minutes, only interrupted by Mackie's occasional scream of pain or loud pleading for mercy. Abruptly, Priss saw Sylia's bedroom door fly open and a barely recognizable object come sailing through the hallway, into the living room, hitting the far wall and landing in a heap on the floor . The door then slammed shut. Priss then watched the now identifiable form known as Mackie slowly crawl off towards his room. Priss stared at Sylia's brother for a few moments as he moved. Realizing that he wouldn't make it out of the room any time soon, she laid back down and again attempted to go to sleep. Just before he left the room though, Priss heard Mackie mutter: 

" She.... took that .....rather well." 

The blue Knight Saber laid on the couch, listening to Mackie as he made his way to his bedroom. *The boy will never learn,* she thought as her headache started to return. A few minutes later she heard Mackie's bedroom door shut. Surprisingly though, Priss then heard another door open up and someone quietly walking out. " What is this place?" Priss irritably muttered. " The Tokyo Freeway! " 

" Oh, Priss-chan?" Sylia's voice seductively called out. 

" Look," Priss started to say as she sat up and turned to face the Knight Sabers' leader. 

" I'm tired and I just need to..." she then caught a glimpse of Sylia.".... get some." 

The KS leader was dressed in a blue see-through negligee. If fit her like a glove, hugging every corner of her well toned body. It also left practically nothing to the imagination. 

Priss forgot about her headache. She also forgot how to form most conscious thought. Her mouth just hung open as she gazed at Sylia. 

" Can you help me? " Sylia crooned, choosing not to acknowledge that she noticed the effect her choice of wardrobe was having on Priss. " I have this cramp that I need to get worked out." 

She then said in a husky voice. 

" I'll be waiting for you." 

Priss beat Sylia to her bedroom door. 

As they went into her bedroom and closed the door, a relative peace descended upon the Stingray home. Five minutes later, the peace was disturbbed by Sylia walking out of her bedroom. The Knight Saber leader ignored the sounds of rattling chains and loud 'MMMPPPPHHHH's ' that came from her room. As Sylia walked towards the kitchen, she only had one thought on her mind. 

*Now where did I put those squids.....* 

END 

Afterwords: This fic started out with a conversation onthe ffirc between myself and Zoogz on how the KS would react to the new series. somehow out of that tiny idea came the twisted fic you see here. I hoped you all enjoyed this little slice of dementia I whipped up. C&C and MST are always welcome, flames are not! Thank you... 


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